do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
