how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
