Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
