Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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