the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
