Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
