remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
