dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
