Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
