Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
