you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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