I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
