that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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