Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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