When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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