Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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