My nipple is on Facebook.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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