is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
