4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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