And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
