i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
