The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
