just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
