we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
