Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
