so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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