We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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