Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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