I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
