dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
