I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
this hospital has no fireball
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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