i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
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