I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
