did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
