Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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