I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
