I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
