I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
did you just send me my own nude
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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