When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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