First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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