when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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