Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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