If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
