Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
