well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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