Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
