Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
