I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
