now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
