I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
