You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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