We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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