Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
