I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
