When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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