Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
