4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
