we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
