Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
