Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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