i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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