Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
