yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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