He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
