My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
