O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
How does it feel to date your dad?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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