i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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