You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
